For some reason, I’ve been reading a lot of wedding horror stories recently. You know, the kind where the wedding costs as much as a house and takes months of hard work to plan. The bride turns into a monster, the groom takes an unplanned trip to Alaska (because the shuttle to the Moon was already booked), and everyone needs another six months to recover from the wedding after it’s all over.
What the Fuck is up with this? If I ever get married, I have my wedding all planned, and it looks nothing like the weddings I’m always reading about.
- Simple ceremony (with a judge, not a minister) either at the courthouse or in the same physical location as the reception, which will most likely end up being a local church.
- No live music, unless a friend offers. Instead, a speaker setup and a computer playlist will work just fine – if I decide to have music at all.
- Invitations self-designed and ordered online. Self mailed to recipients. Plus online invitations.
- My brother will make the wedding cake (probably sheet cakes with a small fancy cake for the cutting ritual).
- Food will be a potluck. Sparkling Cider or Italian Soda. No wine. Mom will help plan this part.
- I will make my own wedding dress (or hire a local seamstress to make it if I’m flush). Said dress will be simple and probably not white. I’ve already got the pattern picked out. Of course, I might decide to get married in one of my skirt suits instead – I have a light blue dinner suit that would be lovely.
- Fascinator veil/headband.
- Attendants will have a color scheme, but no required dress code.
- Groom and groomsmen will wear nice suits in neutral colors with ties which match the color theme.
- Simple gold wedding bands.
- I probably would get a professional picture package, supplemented by my brother (who bakes and takes pictures).
This is what I think of when I think of a wedding. It’s remarkably similar to my mother’s: she wore a suit, her mother made her cake, and the residents of her apartment building did a potluck for her. It’s also similar to most of the other weddings that I have attended.
Nobody would be developing an ulcer over my wedding, least of all me. And there would definitely be no need to sell myself into slavery to pay for it.
Am I weird for thinking that this would be the perfect wedding? Does the $10,000 dress come with something I’m not aware of?
Maybe it’s a class thing? Or maybe I just have low expectations?
Seriously, what’s the point of having the perfect wedding if you’re too tired and miserable to enjoy it?